My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
