I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
