I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
