I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They took my balls.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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