Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
