dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
