Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
