normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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