What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
