The best revenge is premature balding
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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