We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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