apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
