That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
