I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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