And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
