Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
