No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
