Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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