I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
