I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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