my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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