I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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