Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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