i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
