I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
