She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
