I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
