you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
