That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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