in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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