Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
