my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Alive.
So much puke
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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