Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
