I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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