I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
