dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Screwed.edu
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
