you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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