She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
