She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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