I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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