i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize