I heard we made out
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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