Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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