Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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