its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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