when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
