Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize