I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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