Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
