Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
