I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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