girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
