im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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