What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize