Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
