Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
