Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
