I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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