hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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