At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize