i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My penis needs a shock collar
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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