you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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