Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
