I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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