im six kinds of drunk right now
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
