You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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