maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
