I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
