YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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