9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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