He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
